Caring for the Hearts of Our Families

Written by Pastor David Martinez

Growing Up

Growing up, emotions were not something we talked about much in my home. My parents loved us deeply and sacrificed so much for our family. My dad worked six days a week from early morning to late at night. He carried the responsibility of providing for our family. I did not hear “I love you” often growing up, but my father showed love in other ways. Through hard work. His love was visible in his sacrifice.

My favorite memories with him are the simple moments, Friday nights after church when he would take us to Jack in the Box for lots of 2-for-$1 tacos, or Sundays at the Escondido Swap Meet after church.

Over the last 15 years, my dad has grown, has become more affectionate and quicker to say “I love you,” give hugs, and even kisses. He has learned to express love more openly. This is a reminder that growth is possible at every stage of life.

Me, as a Father 

In many homes and cultures, strength often meant pushing through and staying silent. We did not always have the language for emotions, stress, anxiety, or mental health.

As a husband, father, educator, and follower of Christ, I see things differently. My wife and I are raising two daughters. Our youngest daughter has autism and has received support through speech therapy, occupational therapy, and behavioral services. Watching her grow has taught me so much about patience, communication, emotional regulation, and grace.

As parents, we spend so much time teaching our children about everything but one thing God has been teaching me is the importance of caring for the emotional and mental health of our families too.

Scripture

In Scripture, we see that God cares deeply about the hearts of people. Jesus did not ignore exhaustion, sadness, fear, or emotional pain. In fact, He often moved toward people in their moments of weakness.

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says:

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

I love that Jesus acknowledges weariness. He does not shame people for it. He invites them closer.

Sometimes as parents, we carry burdens quietly. We worry about our children, our finances, our marriages, our future, and whether we are doing enough. Some parents are carrying stress no one else sees. Others are trying to help children navigate anxiety, behavioral struggles, learning differences, or emotional challenges while also trying to stay strong themselves.

The truth is, needing support does not mean we lack faith.

God can work through prayer, Scripture, community, counselors, pastors, teachers, doctors, and therapists. Asking for help is not weakness. Sometimes it is wisdom.

Behavior

One thing parenting has taught me is that behavior is often a form of communication. Underneath frustration, anger, withdrawal, or meltdowns, there is often a need, an emotion, fear, exhaustion, or difficulty expressing what is happening inside. This is especially true for many children, including children with autism, who may experience and express emotions differently.

As I help my daughters navigate emotions, I have also had to learn how to better understand my own emotions as an adult. We are trying to give our children tools that we ourselves may not have fully received growing up.

Let’s Put it into Practice 

#1: Ask Better Questions 

One practical thing that has helped me as a father is learning to ask better questions. Sometimes when children come home from school and we ask, “How was your day?” We usually get the same answer: “Good.” But deeper conversations often begin with more intentional questions.

Questions like:

“What is one thing that made you smile today?”

“How did you help somebody at school today?”

“What is one thing you need to work on?”

“Was there anything hard about today?”

“Who did you spend time with today?”

“What made you feel proud today?”

Simple questions like these create space for children to talk about emotions, relationships, challenges, and growth.

#2: Establishing Rhythms 

Another thing that has helped our family is establishing rhythms with our children. In a busy world filled with schedules, work, therapy appointments, school responsibilities, and distractions, small intentional moments matter deeply.

A few years ago, I read the book Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley, and it challenged me to think differently about family rhythms and spiritual formation. It reminded me that the small things we do consistently as a family often shape our children more than the big moments.

I have the honor of dropping off my daughters at school every morning, and before they get out of the car, we pray together. It is a simple rhythm, but it has become something meaningful for our family because I want my daughters to continually be reminded of who God created them to be.

Every morning we pray:

“Good morning Jesus,I give you my day and my heart.I am your best creation.You are good to me and good to all.You catch me when I fall.Be with me the entire day.In your powerful name we pray, Amen.”

I know they may not fully understand every word right now, but I believe those daily moments are helping shape their identity, their confidence, their faith, and their understanding of God’s love.

#3 Being Present 

Another lesson God has been teaching my wife and me is the importance of being present as parents.

So many times, families wait for the yearly vacation, for summertime, or for a special event to slow down and connect. We live in a busy and rushed society where we constantly move from one responsibility to the next. Working in schools for almost 10 years has brought many blessings, but for a long time, we often depended on summer break to truly rest and reconnect as a family.

Over the last few years, my wife and I have tried to become more intentional throughout the school year — not just during vacations. We realized our children do not simply need big experiences; they need consistent presence.

#4 Ask your Children for Feedback

As I prepared to write this devotional, I asked my daughters how Mommy and Daddy help them with big emotions and how we show them love. Their answers were simple but powerful.

They talked about making pizzas together, going on walks, reading the Bible and books at night, getting hugs, and asking questions like, “What zone are you in?” when they are experiencing big emotions.

None of those things are expensive or extraordinary. They are simply moments of presence.

That reminded me that emotional health in families is often built in ordinary moments. It is built through eye contact, conversations, routines, laughter, correction with grace, and making time for one another.

At the same time, time management is something we must constantly revisit as families because it is easy to drift. It is easy to become so busy providing for our children that we unintentionally become emotionally unavailable to them. Presence requires intentionality.

As parents, we may not always remember every conversation or every hectic moment, but our children often remember the rhythms we consistently created with them. Sometimes the smallest intentional moments become the deepest sources of security, connection, and emotional health.

Encouragement 

Psalm 34:18 says: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God is not distant from our struggles at home. He is present in the middle of them. He sees the tired parent. He sees the overwhelmed child. He sees the family trying their best. He sees the tears, the prayers, the late nights, and the moments where we feel inadequate.

As parents, we do not need to have every answer. Our children do not need perfect parents. They need present parents. They need homes where emotions can be talked about honestly, where grace is practiced, where apologies are modeled, and where seeking help is not seen as shameful.

This Mental Health Month, my encouragement to parents is simple:

1. Be present.

2. The small moments matter more than we think. The conversations in the car, the prayers before school, the walks, the bedtime routines, the hugs, and the questions we ask our children all help shape their hearts.

3. Many of us are learning emotional health while trying to teach it to our children at the same time. Give yourself grace in that process.

4. God is not asking us to be perfect parents. He is asking us to love faithfully, lead with compassion, and trust Him in the middle of the journey.

May our homes become places where our children feel safe, seen, heard, and loved.