Teaching Kids What to Do With Big Emotions

Have you ever been upset or maybe even angry and someone told you to “calm down”? I’m willing to bet it probably didn’t help very much. If you’re anything like me, it may have even made you feel more frustrated. The truth is, it usually doesn’t work with our kids either.

When children are experiencing big emotions, they are not trying to give us a hard time but they are often having a hard time. In those moments, what they need most is not immediate correction, but guidance through what they are feeling.

In Philippians 4:6-7, Paul writes:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Notice that Scripture doesn’t simply tell us to “stop feeling anxious.” Instead, it gives us a pathway through anxiety: bring it to God. There is an invitation to process emotions with support, prayer, and peace.

As parents, we can model this same approach for our children. Instead of only saying “calm down,” we can help them learn how to calm down. We can teach them healthy coping skills, help them name their feelings, and remind them that God cares deeply about what they are experiencing.

Help Children Name Their Feelings

Many times, children express emotions through behavior because they do not yet have the words to explain what is happening inside of them. A child may yell, cry, shut down, or throw something, not because they are “bad,” but because they are overwhelmed. Has your child ever gotten into the car after school and suddenly completely lost it? Sometimes that’s because they’ve spent all day holding it together, and home is the place where they finally feel safe enough to let those big emotions out.

One of the simplest and most powerful things we can do is help children put words to their feelings.

“You seem frustrated.”

“That felt really disappointing.”

“I can tell your body is feeling overwhelmed right now.”

When we help children identify emotions, we are teaching emotional awareness and helping them feel understood. Often, children calm down faster when they feel seen and supported instead of immediately corrected.

This does not mean we ignore behaviors or remove boundaries. It simply means we lead with connection first.

Teach Calm-Down Strategies Before They’re Needed

Most children cannot learn a brand-new coping skill in the middle of a meltdown. Coping skills work best when they are practiced during calm moments so children can access them during hard ones.

This can look like:

• Taking deep breaths together

• Squeezing a pillow or stuffed animal

• Taking a movement break

• Listening to worship music

• Taking a quiet break

The goal is helping children slowly build tools they can use when emotions feel big. Many of these are things we as adults still need too!

Sometimes our children are not just learning from what we teach them, they are learning from what we model. When they see us pause, breathe, pray, and respond calmly, they begin learning how to do the same. One simple way to teach this is by narrating your own coping skills out loud. The next time you feel frustrated, try saying something like, “I’m feeling really upset right now, so I’m going to take 3 big deep breaths,” or “I need a moment to calm my body down.” When our children hear us process emotions in healthy ways, we give them a real-life example of what emotional regulation can look like.

Teach Children to Bring Emotions to God

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is teaching them that they can bring every emotion to God.

Fear.

Frustration.

Sadness.

Disappointment.

Anxiety.

Anger.

Philippians 4 reminds us to bring our worries and anxieties to Him through prayer. As parents, we can help make this practical for our children in everyday moments.

“Jesus, help me calm down.”

“God, I’m feeling nervous.”

"Lord, please make me brave."

These simple prayers teach children that they are never alone in hard moments. Over time, prayer becomes more than a routine, it becomes a source of comfort and connection with God.

Our goal is not to raise children who never struggle with emotions. Our goal is to raise children who know what to do with those emotions when they come. As we teach and model coping skills, while pointing our children back to Jesus, we are helping build resilience that will support them for years to come.