Summer Guide for Parents of Teens

You Made It 

You made it! Please take a moment to be proud of yourself. You made it through the diaper phases, dropping your students off for the first time at school, teaching your child how to multiply and divide, seeing them grow taller each year, hearing their voices change, and seeing them enter a new phase…becoming a teenager. This stage can be both super fun and challenging. 

I want to invite you this summer to find your own style of parenting your teen, which includes building relationships, being involved, being present, and educating your teen about important topics before entering adulthood.

Being Present

We live in a fast paced and task oriented world. I know I often find myself overwhelmed by cooking, cleaning, running errands, going to work, and the laundry and I forget to pause and be present with my children. I invite you to be present this summer with your teen. 

What does it mean to be present? 

1. Make Eye Contact with your teen. Yes, it’s going to be awkward staring at your teen in the eyes. When you give your teen eye contact, you are showing them that they are your priority and that nothing else matters at that moment. You are showing them that they are important. 

2. Actively Listen. This means that your body language is fully engaged (body is facing your teen, you are leaning in, making eye contact). You are paying attention to every word they are saying. As your teen is sharing, do your best to not interrupt. I know sometimes we want to go into lecture mode with the things they say. Instead, ask them questions about information they just shared. Take the time to educate them versus lecturing them. And remember, don’t judge them. If they are sharing information with you, it means that you’ve provided them a safe place to do so and to a certain extent they trust you. 

Building Relationships

Building a relationship with your teen requires you to spend quality time with them. As a parent you have to be intentional in carving out time to spend with them. Whether that be 5 minutes to 1+ hours a day to bond with your teen. Look at your summer schedule and schedule some “dates” with your teen or some “check-in” times. Spending time with your teen doesn’t have to require any money. You can simply sit on their bed before bedtime and spend 5 minutes talking to them or hugging them. Or there are several free activities that could be done if you are on a budget. 

For some of you it might be difficult to ask your teen to hang out with you due to the fear of being rejected or for many other reasons. I need you to be vulnerable. Your teen needs you. Here is how you can approach your teen. 

“Johnny, you're growing up so fast. In a couple of years you’ll be off into the real world, seeing you growing makes me both happy and sad. I want to start spending more time with you before you graduate from high school. When we hangout, I might not know what to talk about but I do just want you to know that I care and I want to spend quality time with you.” 

Full disclosure, your teen might give you an annoyed face and your date/check-ins might be super awkward…but you need to keep doing them. They secretly want time with you. 

SUPER IMPORTANT: Your word is everything! If you tell your teen that you want to spend time with them, you HAVE to follow through. You have to be consistent. If you don’t follow through, this is when you lose trust and respect. 

Ideas for hanging out with your teen:

1. Hiking (Annie’s Canyon, Double Peak, Calavera Hills)

2. Walks at the Beach 

3. Movies ($1 Movies at the Regal on Tues and Weds on select movies)

4. Working Out 

5. Running

6. Gardening (Oceanside and San Marcos Library have free seeds)

7. Sunset Market in Oceanside 

8. Riding Bikes 

9. Paintballing 

10. Paddle boarding 

11. Getting Food (Teens LOVE food) 

12. Cooking Class 

13. Taking an Art class together 

14. Reading the bible together 

15. Praying together 

16. Connect Groups at Lighthouse Church!!! 

Educating 

There are so many topics and information that our teens need to learn about! Sadly they often learn this information from their friends, social media, TV, or even school. This is our opportunity to educate our students about these topics through a christian lens.

Topics: 

1. Finances. Checking/Saving account, credit cards, investing, budgeting…we have a Financial Peace University Connect Group at Lighthouse that can give you a wealth of information for your finances but also information you can teach your child.

2. Dating. Teaching your teen about healthy relationships. Your expectations as a parent of what dating should look like. The age you recommend that they should start dating. Dating with a purpose. That they can come to you if they are thinking about wanting to date or if there is any pressure from any admirer to date them. 

3. Sex. Many of you already had the sex talk with your teen. The conversation about sex is uncomfortable for parents. I encourage you to set your uncomfortableness aside because your teen needs your guidance. Talk to your teen about what the bible says about sex. Share with them what your expectations are for them. Share with them safeguards on how to prevent the temptation. For example, being home at a certain time if they are hanging out with the opposite sex. Or not hanging out in people’s bedrooms. 

4. Pornagraphy. Have a conversation about this with your teen. Whether you have a son or daughter, they need to hear about it. Yes, girls also watch porn. Talk to them about the dangers of it, the unrealistic expectations, how it can mess up their perception of sex, and how addicting it can be. 

Know that you are not alone in these conversations. I’m here to help. There might be a possibility that your teen might disclose some information with you. Try your best not to physically freak out. Actively Listen…Lean in…ask questions…and then calmly share your thoughts. Bonus points if you share with them the word of God.  

Praying 

Having a teen means you need to activate your Prayer Warrior button. Your teen is going to need your prayers. Whether you are praying with them everyday or you are praying on your own for them. They need any prayer possible. The enemy is ready to devour your teen, but there is power in the name of Jesus!!! 

Matthew 19:26 says “With God, all things are possible”. 

Use this summer to speak life into your teen, pray intensely for them, cover them in prayer, rebuke things in their life that are negatively catching their attention. 

Again, you aren’t alone. You have your church to help you and most importantly you have God.